Expectations

Normally here I'd make some apology about how I normally try to make things not so personal, even though a fair amount of posts of mine really are, but I've accepted that that's silly. I won't be doing that. There's something in this irritation that I think relates to more lives than just mine, actually I KNOW it does, but that is irrelevant. I just need to write it, & this is a fitting setting.

Okay, so last week I went "home" for a visit. Regardless of the circumstances, I ended up staying at my dad's house for the first night & the hours I was carless waiting to head to the airport. We haven't related well for a long time, & while the hostilities may no longer be wild & free (thank you to time & distance), we still don't really talk much or really get along that well. Evidence for this is the fact that I ended up suggesting we go out for dinner at 9:30 at night because I had gotten so tired of the "conversation" where he would ask me something, I'd respond, & then we'd sit in silence for a few minutes.

Through this mess, there was something that stuck with me & has still been grating on me a little in the back of my head since then. He asked me several times about my long-term goals, & offered that maybe I'd grow up in 5-10 years. (In the guise of how my education is helping me now, how long I plan to stay with my job, whether there was a man in my life, and directly by asking what I plan for my future.)

Back the fuck up.

Okay, so I work about three jobs, putting in about 35 hours/week combined, and don't have any insurance. HOWEVER, I really enjoy my jobs. And they do allow me to be able to afford to live in San Francisco, provide for myself entirely (he doesn't pay any of my bills), & actually pay down my credit card bills. This doesn't seem like it's too bad of an accomplishment for a 25-year-old who's in the midst of self-discovery.

I'm happy with where my life is right now. I like where I live, I like the things I get to do, I'm proud of the "green" tips that I've thoroughly incorporated into my life. I wish I was working fewer jobs, but I can't really complain about any of them though. They leave me pretty satisfied. And I know I won't be doing them forever, but everything changes so much that it seems silly to me to really do hardcore future planning. All I know is that I'd like to keep living in San Francisco for at least a few more years, & that I think I might want to teach someday (I'm just not ready for it yet on several fronts).

So, I had pointed out to him that I was responsible, I just thought it was silly to plan for the future with how uncertain the world is at this moment. He said he didn't think I wasn't responsible, but that didn't seem to close it up in a satisfactory way that made me feel accepted.


(I'm not sure how much of this relates...but on my last day [I think] he pointed out how mature one of my male friends has become [with me pointing out that it would be a surprise if he DIDN'T turn out that way], & how he wishes I was more "out-going" & "happy" like I used to be.

Oh, & a tiny note that it piques my sense of intrigue that there are pictures up of his wife's children & grandchildren, his two sons...but nothing from my mother's side...granted, that would be me, my brother who hasn't spoken to him in years, & my sister who's made a lot of bad choices. Just a pondering moment.)


Is this a common guilt trip that parents lay on their kids? (Possibly particular to parents of at least middle-class standing?) That they're not doing enough with their lives? (And possibly disappointed at the amount that their education impacts their employments?)

If so, that's absolutely disgusting.

If your child is managing to be happy, to be at least mostly clean, & is taking care of themselves (however that is defined) should be fucking good enough. Why can't THAT be the thing that you wish for your children instead of whatever fucking bullshit has been fed by the culture towards what your children should end up being like?!

Now it's my turn to shake my head in disappointment. For shame, parents. Your heart doesn't lie in the right place. Please take a step back & recognize your children as what they are & build bridges if possible. It'll make them feel less rejected & benefit everyone the world over.